I’ve got a secret. It’s not the one that you may have thought of when you saw the title.
I’m pretty careful about it and don’t just go around sharing it with just anyone. The secret is not that I’m a follower of Jesus. I’m pretty open about that. However, scriptures like this one give me pause about sharing:
You may believe there’s nothing wrong with what you are doing, but keep it between yourself and God. Blessed are those who don’t feel guilty for doing something they have decided is right. Romans 14:22
In this verse, Paul is sharing in the book of Romans about eating foods that some people believe are wrong to eat. Paul notes that we should be careful about our liberties in Christ for those that are not ready for the message. We should keep it between us and God if a person is not ready so their faith can grow.
As I look back over my life, I see the many steps that I’ve taken towards recognizing who I am and the self-realization of how I should be acting and living.
- I suppose that the first thing was recognizing that I was usually the odd man out on things or just different from those around me. For a while, I thought I was just rebellious. I’m sure there was some of that too but it wasn’t always that. I started thinking differently about things happening around me at times. I wasn’t a lot different. . .just a little different.
- One of the pivotal moments came when my wife and I arrived at the church in which I grew up. We got ready to get out of the car and I just couldn’t get myself to go inside. We sat in the car and talked about it the whole service long how I just couldn’t go there anymore. At that time, I thought it was just the need for a new/different church.
- There have been spiritually abusive and manipulative leaders within churches that have moved me towards recognition of my secret.
- There have been spiritually abusive and manipulative parishioners within churches and within the body of Christ that have moved me towards recognition of my secret.
- I have noted many times specific sources (books, etc.) and various ministers just “turned me off.” Sometimes, I have been able to see specifically over time that my reaction to these ministers was correct (Bill Gothard, Bill Hybels, etc.). Other times, I don’t get to see why I have the reaction that I do, but I pay attention when I have that “turn off” inside.
- I sat at one church for a year struggling to take notes from the head pastor before I was finally released. I spoke to the pastor about it and he was surprised to hear about it saying that so many people had said it was his best preaching in years. Some time later, I was reading in the Old Testament and God showed me a scripture confirming that He was the one drawing me away from that church. That was the second to last church I attended.
- When the church becomes so focused on money/tithing/giving, it is a clear sign that priorities are out of whack. I was at one church where the “offering sermon” was longer than the regular sermon. At the last church, the focus didn’t seem to be on that at first but moved that direction “to accomplish a great vision.” When the care moved from them supporting our family in a time of crisis to us attending their services “so we could be fed” (and pay our tithe once again), it was clear where the priorities were.
Some of us that have the same secret as I do have been on this path for many years and are quite comfortable navigating the road. Others are still getting used to how we can best walk and share the message. It’s an unusual road and requires discernment from the Lord as to when you should and should not connect with various groups.
The secret is about staying a servant of Jesus while rejecting the way most people think of connecting with Jesus (institutional church). It’s about this thing we’re talking about here on this site (www.asymmetricfaith.org). The message of this site can be pretty troubling for those that are not ready to hear it. When I start sharing the message of Asymmetric Faith, I’m very careful about it, taking small steps when I’m telling the secret I have. However, this scripture is poignant when I remember that some of the issues within the institutional church are downright wrong (and, in some cases, I even doubt whether a leader is even a believer in Jesus):
Therefore, come out from among unbelievers, and separate yourselves from them, says the LORD. Don’t touch their filthy things, and I will welcome you. 2 Corinthians 6:17 (emphasis mine)
There are those, of course, that will respond that I should not reject church altogether because of hurt on my part from those in the institutional church. While I recognize the point, it’s not from hurt that I’m choosing a different path, though pain can certainly crystalize perspective. Instead, I think about John 15 where Jesus uses the analogy of the grapevine and being the True Vine. Jesus talks about how God prunes the vine of those producing fruit so that they will produce even more fruit.
I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. John 15:1-2
So, if your church experience is not producing in you a closer relationship with God, perhaps it’s time to let Him prune that from your life. Perhaps it’s time for your own coming out experience.
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