I was meeting with a group last week and through our conversation, a continuum seemed to coalesce from our conversation. In the group, one member shared that they were approached by another member of their church and said that they hadn’t seen them in a long time. Our group member was surprised at the statement and said, “I’m here every week. However, if you were concerned that I wasn’t here, why didn’t you reach out to me?” This brought to mind several other related situations that seemed to be a continuum that I want to share.
Let me walk through each of these starting with the best option on the right side of the continuum.
Authentic Community. In a healthy, true community, when you’re not present, you are missed and people are concerned that you’re not there. In a true community, people check in on you to make sure that you are okay, not because they want anything from you but because they want community for you. There is true love and care for you.
In this model, we see exemplified Galatians 6:2, “Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” This is the biblical vision of community — loving, accountable, sacrificial, and life-giving.
Casual Familiarity. In this type, when you are gone, people notice and may mention it to you when they see you. However, they don’t go out of their way to find out why you are missing from community or reach out to you when they think you are missing. This is the scenario mentioned by our group member above.
James 2:15–16 says “Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,’ but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?” This reflects a community that notices needs or absence, but does not act. There’s recognition but no follow-through.
Performative Belonging. In this type of community, it is expected that you’re attending and following the code set by the group because that is what you are supposed to do. The code may include specific activities (attending every church service, volunteering, abstaining from various activities such as social drinking, dancing, etc.) or adhering to specific theological positions. In the event that you are not present in the community, do some of the “don’t do’s”, or have different theological perspectives, there is a perception of you that grows that you are “less of a Christian.” If you do attend but are continuing in doing the don’ts, there are sometimes snide comments made or comments made to cajole you to be at church every time the doors are open or to stop doing the don’ts. This was experienced regularly by another group member at one particular church where they had been missing for events that fell on Sundays. Another example experienced by a group member was rejection as a result of their theological position that was misaligned with the community. In this instance, it was at a Christian organization and there were sanctions made against the individual and almost a gestapo environment of reporting to the senior executive.
Galatians 1:10 notes “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
In this phase, attendance or involvement becomes about appearances and fitting in rather than genuine connection or spiritual growth. Unfortunately, so many institutional churches fall into this mode.
Authoritarian Monitoring. In this scenario, you have leaders who are actively looking for those missing in services in an effort to penalize them for their missing. A member of the group shared that they had been on staff at a church and were required to sit on the front row each week. However, if their children had to be in service because children’s church was inexplicably cancelled for the week, they were not permitted to sit on the front row (because the church filmed for television and they didn’t want any problems with controlling children to show up on TV). When this happened one Sunday, the pastor searched the crowd looking for the missing person until they found them in the crowd. Our group member had to point out that the children were in service and only then was there an understanding from the pastor. In this mode, there is a very real authority mindset where the leader has heavy control.
In Matthew 23:4 we see this: “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but you yourselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.” This stage represents environments where people are under scrutiny and performance is demanded, but support or grace is absent.
Cult/Toxic Control. The final item on the continuum, a situation where the control is toxic and/or cult-like, would seem self-explanatory. In a cult, there are all too often very extreme controls in place to keep people in line. It is not about community for the betterment of the individual. Rather it is about controlling those in the community for the purpose of using them and their resources for the betterment of the cult (or really the cult leader).
This model is exemplified in Matthew 15:7-9: “You hypocrites! Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you: ‘These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are merely human rules.’” Jesus rebukes religious leaders for substituting human control for God’s intent. This reflects communities where control replaces relationship and true worship.
When you consider creation, it’s clear that God was creating for community and relationship. It’s no wonder that there are, then, distortions of this in a creation that has fallen. Our enemy, the devil, seeks to pervert and destroy what God intended for our good. God wanted to be in community and to have a relationship with us. Satan wanted to destroy that any way that he could.
Do you have a community? What kind of community do you currently experience? Where does it fall on this continuum? What kind of community are you helping to create? How can you move toward fostering an authentic, grace-filled connection in your communities?
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